Seething

livejournal blog by Henry_thefirst
henry_thefirst (henry_thefirst) wrote,
@ 2005-07-27 21:51:00

Seething


My mother and I just got into a heated exchange. I am refusing to go to a self help clinic called "Landmark Forum" because I still believe in personal responsibility. My mother informed me that I am one of the most screwed up people she knows. I said "bullshit, mom! I get good grades, I don't do drugs, I drink moderately, I've not gotten a girl pregnant. I am happy with my life, I have a good honest, hardworking job, and good friends and people who care about me". She replied "you feel no personal responsibility towards your family".

That comment struck a very deep nerve. I try, but not hard enough to make my living at this house more than just taking up space and demanding food. But I always have been a horrible son, always been hurting this family more than helping. I just am torn apart about what is going on.

Both my parents went to this forum, and it helped them out incredibly. But they are older, have had more chances in their life to reflect and look upon the things that have caused them problems in their lives. I am twenty years old, I havn't done nearly enough crap in my life that I need to get sorted out. I just think me going to this would just be a supreme waste of time and money.

But the greater issue here is that I hate being told what to do. I hate it. I like to feel that I have some type of control over my life and how I spend my time. But my parents just signed me up for this thing, paid the bill, and expect me to go. My mother said that if I don't go, it just proves that I "have no integrity".

Ouch.

When my father gets home, I'm bound for a whole world of trouble. This is just stupid.